A Better Life Perth: August 2018

Tuesday 7 August 2018

“GIVING IT YOUR ALL!”

You hear it all the time— “Give it your all!” “Go for the gold.” “Second place is for losers.” “You’ve got to be a 110% person.” Even book titles argue for this. For example, in spite of some statements to the contrary within the books, Anthony Robbins’ books “Unlimited Power,” and “Awaken the Giant Within.” Tony actually tempers this emphasis in the second book as he there argues that when exercising, doing 70% of your best is actually more optimal.

To get through some of the mythology of “Giving it your all” or your best, let’s begin with the most obvious non-sense— the statistic itself. Statistically it is impossible to give 110 percent of effort. At the very most, could you actually even give 100 percent? This may surprise you, but the answer is “No!” And why not? Because it is impossible to “give 100% to any one thing.” After all you also at the same time have to maintain your body, your health, your consciousness, etc. That will take up some percentage of “your all.” So when a person speaks about giving more than 100, that person is using extreme language to make an point. Understanding it in that way makes it poetic, and it is understandable only metaphorically. To even think for a moment that the person is being literal is a great way to create stress and overwhelm.

The problem with “giving it your all” is that if you did— you would become a highly out-of-balanced person. And that is definitely not good! Once you exhaust your all, and there is nothing left to give— you will not be in a very good place physically, mentally, emotionally, or in any other way. You will certainly not be resourceful. Being in a state of exhaustion, you be in a state of deficiency and we know that deficiency does not bring the best out in people. People in deficiency feel threaten and needy which is why they then become desperate. Think of a person deficient of air under the water. Think of someone deficit of food, water, sleep, etc.

Hidden behind these ideas of “giving it your all” is the cognitive distortion of all-or-nothing thinking and over-generalization. And thinking in those ways then leads to the toxic state that we call “perfectionism.” Now who would be attracted to this? Who would be seduced by this? Ah, Type-A personalities! First-borns. High achievers. Those richly rewarded for pushing themselves. Also those with meta-programs of optimism, or “aggressive” stress response.

“Giving it your all” seduces these people and makes sense to them because it doesn’t sound extreme. It sounds reasonable. It sound like an obvious way to live your life. But as a person becomes unbalanced by “giving 100 percent,” and then needing days (or even weeks) of recovery, they are building an on–and–then–off motivation pattern. And, when they begin suffering from a manic–depressive oscillation, they try to “solve” things by pushing themselves further and harder. And if they hear anyone say nearly anything that sounds like a new solution, they jump on that bandwagon — Yes, I need some time management skills. Yes, I need another adrenalin jump by attending “Date with Destiny” again. Yes I need X or Y of some new age or alternative medicine.

The real solution? Ecology. This is one reason that we in Neuro-Semantics use the ecology questions to run a “quality check” on our activities, our beliefs, decisions, etc.

∙ Does this enhance your life and bring out a healthy balance?

∙ Does it empower you as a person?

∙ Does this reflect your highest spiritual path?

∙ Would you want this for your loved ones?

∙ Would this ruin anything in your life— finances, relationship, health, etc.?

In NLP and Neuro-Semantics we also speak a lot about resources. We ask if you have certain resources — capacities, beliefs, decisions, understandings, etc. And while some of these resources are “unlimited” in that they can be constantly replenishing, some resources have numerous limitations— constraints.

For those that are replenishable— we do have to take time and effort to replenish them. Take inspiration for example. Here is an abundance, not-scarce, and unlimited resource. But you could run out of inspiration. It happens. The solution is to constantly keep renewing yourself in the ideas and experiences that put fresh inspiration into you. This means that while it is potentially an unlimited resources, it is not automatic. It’s like working out at the gym. You can’t stay there 8 or 12 hours a day. You have to go home and rest, you have to get good sleep. Otherwise, if you “give it your all” and fail to calibrate to your body, you can severely damage yourself.

Other resources require that we understand their constraints. I may be able to access my courage, but if I don’t know the constraints of when and where and with whom I express my courage, I could be taking risks that endanger limb and life. So with acceptance, and appreciation, and learning, and many other personal resource states— going at something 100% can be very destructive.

If you are one of those “giving it your all,” “going 110 percent,” and never giving yourself a break persons— take a breath, slowdown, enjoy the moment, come into sensory awareness, reflect on what’s really important. It will enable you to be more resourceful at being the best you.

More about myths and cognitive distortions, fallacies and biases? Get the new book, Executive Thinking (2018). Now available on www.neurosemantics.com

http://www.neurosemantics.com/products/executive-thinking/

OR
http://www.neurosemantics.com/products/

L. Michael Hall, Ph.D., Executive Director

Neuro-Semantics

P.O. Box 8

Clifton, CO. 81520 USA

1 970-523-7877

Dr. Hall's email: meta@acsol.net

Dr. L. Michael Hall writes a post on "Neurons" each Monday. For a free subscription, sign up on www.neurosemantics.com. On that website you can click on Meta-Coaching for detailed information and training schedule. To find a Meta-Coach see www.metacoachfoundation.org. For Neuro-Semantic Publications --- clink Products, there is also a catalog of books that you can download.

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From: L. Michael Hall

2018 Morpheus # 25

June 6, 2018

While I wrote this article as one in

the series of Decision Making on

Neurons, I thought I should send it

to Meta-Coaches ... so next time you

coach decision— this one is for you.

BEYOND PRO/CON

DECISION-MAKING

In Meta-Coaching we use the Axes of Change as our first and primary model for enabling people to make intelligent, robust, and ecological decisions. Specifically, we use the second axis, The Decision Axis which is based on the meta-program of reflective— active. To that end, we invite a client to reflect on the pros and cons of a choice. What are the advantages if you make that choice? What are the disadvantages? Typically this leads to a whole list of reasons why a choice would be beneficial and reasons why a person has to be cautious because it wll have another set of things that will cost the person.

This pro-and-con orientation in decision-making is what we all use. To a great extent it is how we naturally and inevitably think. That is, we default to thinking in terms of choices and contrasts, values and dis-values, this or that. Simultaneously, we also think in terms of the reasons why I am for or against something. For this reason, it makeptos perfect sense to start by asking for the advantages and disadvantages. But the Pro/Con list is just the beginning. There’s much more to do if you are to generate great decisions and especially if you want to create highly intelligent or smart decisions.

What potential problems could there be here? Ah, yes, human reasoning! And why? Because when we reason— even if you have been highly trained in effective, clear, rational, systemic reasoning—you still are liable to the cognitive biases and also to the cognitive distortions and fallacies. If you are not aware of that, check out the newest book from Neuro-Semantics, Executive Thinking: Activating Your Highest Executive Thinking Potentials (2018).

A Well-Formed Decision

NLP introduced the idea of a well-formed outcome some 40 years ago, and from that I developed a Neuro-Semantic Precision Template and from that created a well-formed problem, a well-formed solution, a well-formed innovation (all are now in the book, Creative Solutions, 2017) as well as other well-formed patterns. So how about a Well-Formed Decision? Doesn’t that make sense if we want to make great and intelligent decisions? Given that, here is a list of questions— questions within certain categories — that enable a person to construct a well-formed decision.

The Well-Formed Decision Questions

The Subject of the Decision: First identify the subject of the decision.

1) What is the decision you want or need to make? What are your choices?

2) What will the decision look like or sound like? When you make it, you will say what?

3) Why is it important to make this decision? (Repeat several times with each answer.)

The Contextual Situation of the Decision: Decisions, like every other experience occurs in some context. Identify the specific context for the decision under consideration.

4) When do you need to make the decision? What time factors are involved?

5) In what area of life is this decision relevant? (Where) How does it (or could it) influence other areas of your life?

6) Is anyone else involved in making the decision? Are you the sole decider? (Who)

The Required Actions of the Decision: As an experience, you have to do something to make a decision, identify these actions even if they are the micro-actions of thinking and feeling.

7) What do you need to know to make the decision? What information do you need to gather and from who or where? How much information do you need? What else do you need to do to make or take the decision?

The Inner Power (Capacity) for Making the Decision: Given that action is required for a decision, then inner ability is also required.

8) Is the information available now? How much information is currently available? If you don’t know, what probably would you estimate? Is that information within your control to access? If not, then who has access to it?

9) Do you have the capacity to get the required information? To process it?

10) Have you ever made a similar decision in the past? What did you do that enabled your decision-making?

The Planning Process of Decision-Making: With big decisions and decisions that will forge a new or long-term direction for life, you will probably want to plan it in order to manage it over time. Identify how you will do this.

11) How do you plan to gather the information and order it so you can make a decision? If others are involved in the planning, information-gathering, or deciding, what is your plan for integrating them into the process?

12) What cognitive biases, distortions, and fallacies may be in the information you gather? Do you know how to question, check, and clean out the biases, distortions, and fallacies? Do you What feedback will you want and/or need to stay on plan?

The Supportive Resources for Deciding: As an experience, it can be supplied with sufficient resources or it can lack them. Identify the resources that you want to round-out your deciding.have someone on the team who can do that?

13) How will you monitor a long-term decision that requires ongoing observation and action?

14) Is there anything that can or will stop or interfere with you getting the information, formulating it, and making a decision from it? What potential risks are there? What risk management skills do you need? How much risk is there involved? What contingency plans have you set up?

15) What resources do you need so that you can do this effectively and intelligently? What external resources? What internal resources?

16) How will you test the final decision to make sure it is ecological for you? How will you determine if it will create any long-term unintended consequences?

Concluding and Deciding: How will you bring closure to the process of decision?

17) How will you know when you are ready to make a decision? When you make the decision, what will be the convincer for you? In what representational system?

18) What will be the evidence that you have made a decision and ready to move forward? Will it be written, stated aloud, confirmed with someone else, or what?

Want more? Check out the books—

Coaching Change: The Axes of Change (2004/ 2015)

Creative Solutions: Creativity and Innovation (2017)

Executive Thinking: Activating Your Highest Executive Thinking Potentials (2018).