“GIVING IT YOUR ALL!”
You hear it all the time— “Give
it your all!” “Go for the gold.” “Second place is for losers.” “You’ve got to
be a 110% person.” Even book titles argue for this. For example, in spite of
some statements to the contrary within the books, Anthony Robbins’ books
“Unlimited Power,” and “Awaken the Giant Within.” Tony actually tempers this
emphasis in the second book as he there argues that when exercising, doing 70%
of your best is actually more optimal.
To get through some of the
mythology of “Giving it your all” or your best, let’s begin with the most
obvious non-sense— the statistic itself. Statistically it is impossible to give
110 percent of effort. At the very most, could you actually even give 100
percent? This may surprise you, but the answer is “No!” And why not? Because
it is impossible to “give 100% to any one thing.” After all you also at the
same time have to maintain your body, your health, your consciousness, etc.
That will take up some percentage of “your all.” So when a person speaks about
giving more than 100, that person is using extreme language to make an
point. Understanding it in that way makes it poetic, and it is understandable
only metaphorically. To even think for a moment that the person is being
literal is a great way to create stress and overwhelm.
The problem with “giving it
your all” is that if you did— you would become a highly out-of-balanced
person. And that is definitely not good! Once you exhaust your all,
and there is nothing left to give— you will not be in a very good place
physically, mentally, emotionally, or in any other way. You will certainly not
be resourceful. Being in a state of exhaustion, you be in a state of deficiency
and we know that deficiency does not bring the best out in people. People in
deficiency feel threaten and needy which is why they then become desperate.
Think of a person deficient of air under the water. Think of someone deficit of
food, water, sleep, etc.
Hidden behind these ideas of
“giving it your all” is the cognitive distortion of all-or-nothing thinking and
over-generalization. And thinking in those ways then leads to the toxic state
that we call “perfectionism.” Now who would be attracted to this? Who would be
seduced by this? Ah, Type-A personalities! First-borns. High achievers.
Those richly rewarded for pushing themselves. Also those with meta-programs of
optimism, or “aggressive” stress response.
“Giving it your all” seduces
these people and makes sense to them because it doesn’t sound extreme. It
sounds reasonable. It sound like an obvious way to live your life. But as a
person becomes unbalanced by “giving 100 percent,” and then needing days (or
even weeks) of recovery, they are building an on–and–then–off motivation
pattern. And, when they begin suffering from a manic–depressive oscillation,
they try to “solve” things by pushing themselves further and harder. And if
they hear anyone say nearly anything that sounds like a new solution, they jump
on that bandwagon — Yes, I need some time management skills. Yes, I need
another adrenalin jump by attending “Date with Destiny” again. Yes I need X or
Y of some new age or alternative medicine.
The real solution?
Ecology. This is one reason that we in Neuro-Semantics use the ecology
questions to run a “quality check” on our activities, our beliefs, decisions,
etc.
∙ Does
this enhance your life and bring out a healthy balance?
∙ Does it
empower you as a person?
∙ Does
this reflect your highest spiritual path?
∙ Would
you want this for your loved ones?
∙ Would
this ruin anything in your life— finances, relationship, health,
etc.?
In NLP and Neuro-Semantics we
also speak a lot about resources. We ask if you have certain resources —
capacities, beliefs, decisions, understandings, etc. And while some of these
resources are “unlimited” in that they can be constantly replenishing, some
resources have numerous limitations— constraints.
For those that are
replenishable— we do have to take time and effort to replenish them.
Take inspiration for example. Here is an abundance, not-scarce, and
unlimited resource. But you could run out of inspiration. It happens. The
solution is to constantly keep renewing yourself in the ideas and experiences
that put fresh inspiration into you. This means that while it is potentially an
unlimited resources, it is not automatic. It’s like working out at the gym.
You can’t stay there 8 or 12 hours a day. You have to go home and rest, you
have to get good sleep. Otherwise, if you “give it your all” and fail to
calibrate to your body, you can severely damage yourself.
Other resources require that we
understand their constraints. I may be able to access my courage, but if I
don’t know the constraints of when and where and with whom I express my courage,
I could be taking risks that endanger limb and life. So with acceptance, and
appreciation, and learning, and many other personal resource states— going at
something 100% can be very destructive.
If you are one of those “giving
it your all,” “going 110 percent,” and never giving yourself a break persons—
take a breath, slowdown, enjoy the moment, come into sensory awareness,
reflect on what’s really important. It will enable you to be more
resourceful at being the best you.
More about myths and cognitive distortions, fallacies
and biases? Get the new book, Executive Thinking (2018). Now available
on www.neurosemantics.com
L. Michael Hall, Ph.D., Executive
Director
Neuro-Semantics
P.O. Box 8
Clifton, CO. 81520
USA
1 970-523-7877
Dr. L. Michael Hall writes a post
on "Neurons" each Monday. For a free subscription, sign up on
www.neurosemantics.com. On that website you can click on Meta-Coaching for
detailed information and training schedule. To find a Meta-Coach
see www.metacoachfoundation.org. For
Neuro-Semantic Publications --- clink Products, there is also a catalog
of books that you can download.
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